Tough.

The guarantee of having a fair life is virtually non-existent, so I have learned. There are many times when I question "Why me? Do I really deserve this?" Don't get me wrong, I'm in fact a sinner, but nonetheless I am good person; I live above the influence. Times like this is when God generally becomes distant in my life. I've done it again, I pushed him away. But I can't let this bring me down...he throws these obstacles at me to make me stronger and learn from these experiences. These experiences are things I should appreciate later on in life. But nobody said it was going to be easy for me to cope with.

The advice given to me by my boyfriend has helped me immensely; he told me to read the bible. Though I was truthfully reluctant at first, opening the bible immediately gave me this rush of good feeling through my heart. My initial thought was to flip to the book of Job, my favorite book to turn to when I'm feeling down or depressed. Job was a truly righteous man who feared God and, as far as I know, never sinned in his life. He lived a good life, full of riches and prosperity. But, in a matter of days, God took it all away from him. And yet, Job never shunned God. He didn't listen to anyone trying to make him think otherwise, not even his own wife. He faced so much hardship but still praised God.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
Job 1:21

In spite of my hardship, I can truly say that God is good. He loves me, that's why he's exposing me to these things. Facing the real world hasn't been easy for me, having lived in this sheltered life of mine. The transition has pained my heart. After I graduate, that's it. I'm going to face this everyday. But through God and through all the people who love me, it's something I'm going to endure. Life has no easy way out unless you choose that path, and that's Death. But thinking that way...it's not right. I have to find the will to be optimistic. I have to learn how to embrace God instead of putting him to the side until I need him in times like this. It's not all about me.