Chin Up

Note: My try at writing a Petrarchan sonnet. Free verse is getting kind of dull, I felt like writing more of a structured poem.
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Chin Up
By: Heather Daphne Cadlaon

My emotions kept tight
Inside my heart
A brand new start
The future is bright
My patience grows stronger
Oh, what love shows
By how it grows
Even if the waiting is longer

Though your hands are full
I will always be here
To stay by your side
The days will grow dull
But have no fear
I am ready for this ride

Epitomy

Epitomy
By: Heather Daphne Cadlaon

Paint me happy
Paint me hopeful
Paint me in love
Paint me in pain
Paint me in sadness
Paint me sweet
Paint me flawed
Paint me inspired
Paint me wondering
Paint me captivated
Paint me suprised
Paint me angry
Paint me confused
Paint me excited
Paint me lonely
Paint me in fellowship
Paint me moody
Paint me blissful
Paint me frustrated
Paint me trying
Paint me suffering
Paint me cheerful
Paint me foolish
Paint me energetic
Paint me selfish
Paint me fancy
Paint me simple
Paint me frail
Paint me strong
Paint me lazy
Paint me sensual
Paint me thankful
Paint me beautiful
Paint me ugly
Paint me young
Paint me grumpy
Paint me gullible
Paint me breakable
Paint me with goals
Paint me charming
Paint me clumsy
Paint me as I am

Ode to Martha (Time of the Month)

Note: "Martha" is an inside joke between my friends and I. It pretty much means to menstruate aka period! Haha, I was bored and my cramps bothered me so much that I decided to write a poem about my period.
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Ode to Martha (Time of the Month)
By: Heather Daphne Cadlaon

My mood's swinging
Like a monkey
Moving oh so swiftly
From branch to branch

My stomach throbs
Silently screaming
Asking for the searing pain
To please stop

Gentle waterfalls
Quickly change
Into a deadly flood
In mere moments

Thank the Lord
That this kind of thing
Only happens
Once a month

Kiss

Kiss
By: Heather Daphne Cadlaon
Dedicated to: Stephen Jansen Torres

Your warmth is so welcoming
My head against your chest
Holding me in your arms
My one wish
Is for time to stop
Don't ever let me go

The stillness of the moment
So simple but precious
Your hands are suddenly
Put into sudden motion
My head is tilted
To your intense gaze

You kiss my forehead
Flash backs consume me
Our memories
The love we shared
Things that can be understood
By you and me

You kiss my nose
The fragrance of your skin
Entrances me
And makes me hungry
For more
You spoil me

You kiss my lips
I can't help but
Love you more
Than anything
Your value to me
Is beyond wealth

A playful smile forms
My heart longing
Just for you
Leaning forward
Cupping your face
I kiss you

Ever so tenderly

Tough.

The guarantee of having a fair life is virtually non-existent, so I have learned. There are many times when I question "Why me? Do I really deserve this?" Don't get me wrong, I'm in fact a sinner, but nonetheless I am good person; I live above the influence. Times like this is when God generally becomes distant in my life. I've done it again, I pushed him away. But I can't let this bring me down...he throws these obstacles at me to make me stronger and learn from these experiences. These experiences are things I should appreciate later on in life. But nobody said it was going to be easy for me to cope with.

The advice given to me by my boyfriend has helped me immensely; he told me to read the bible. Though I was truthfully reluctant at first, opening the bible immediately gave me this rush of good feeling through my heart. My initial thought was to flip to the book of Job, my favorite book to turn to when I'm feeling down or depressed. Job was a truly righteous man who feared God and, as far as I know, never sinned in his life. He lived a good life, full of riches and prosperity. But, in a matter of days, God took it all away from him. And yet, Job never shunned God. He didn't listen to anyone trying to make him think otherwise, not even his own wife. He faced so much hardship but still praised God.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
Job 1:21

In spite of my hardship, I can truly say that God is good. He loves me, that's why he's exposing me to these things. Facing the real world hasn't been easy for me, having lived in this sheltered life of mine. The transition has pained my heart. After I graduate, that's it. I'm going to face this everyday. But through God and through all the people who love me, it's something I'm going to endure. Life has no easy way out unless you choose that path, and that's Death. But thinking that way...it's not right. I have to find the will to be optimistic. I have to learn how to embrace God instead of putting him to the side until I need him in times like this. It's not all about me.

Day 16

"Love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love."
-2 John 1:6

I do believe The Purpose Driven Life was given to me for a reason. I may have broken my covenant, but each time I turn back to it, the chapter really relates to my life.

I didn't go to school today; I needed my alone time and really was just mentally & emotionally drained. I remember the last time I didn't go to school, it was way back in October when the whole Party City thing happened. Truly, it gave me a real good outlook on life. Was I naive then? Yes. Am I naive now? Yes. But that doesn't mean I'm not growing in my knowledge of this world, nor in my faith. I'm constantly learning, whether it be the easy or hard way.

Through God, all I see is love; he created us for that purpose afterall. We were brought onto this world to love him as well as our neighbors. However, we weren't put on this earth to hate, lie, steal from and betray other people. We all have this common purpose, as well as a common persona: God's children. Our purpose is the same. Our live's will end the same - in Eternity.

I for one, try my best to live a life of love. Prayer has helped me so much because, through it, I can feel God's presence growing in me. I know that loving other people, whether it may be a friend or an enemy, is doing the right thing. Hate is truly the strongest, most negative word man has ever known. Through God, I have only found hatred in the Devil and his usage of temptation. Consider this: we aren't perfect, and that is a fact. Meeting other people and growing closer to them would mean loving their flaws and mistakes. Though there are shortcomings to love...because people take advantage of it and can use it against you. This is where you draw the line, let them go, and go on with life. Don't be bitter and don't hold grudges. Just let go and let God.

Another thing about love is that you have to appreciate it before you can feel it's full effect. For example, I love my parents very much. Though we may have misunderstandings which lead to them yelling at me...they're doing it out of love. They don't want me to make mistakes. They care for me, and I'm so grateful to have them. They've worked so hard for me and my brother's sakes so that we may have a better life then they had. For us, we have it easy. When they were our age, they had to take care of themselves because they both had such big families. I remember those times where I felt lazy to clean and cook...they must have had their moments too. But knowing how much they've been through just to give me a better life, they deserve to be appreciated. I love them. I know in the past, I've taken their love for granted because I'm so used to having this easy life. What I didn't realize was that they had to go through so much hardship to get where they are now. As teenagers, they'd probably kill to have an opportunity to live a life like ours.

God's love also is taken for granted at times. From experience, I've pushed him away from me several times...and yet, he was still there when I was ready to seek his love again. That's the thing: God has always been there for me whether or not I was there for him and when nobody was there for me. Sometimes, through prayer, I ask him "Why do you still care for me? I pushed you away before, I am a sinner. I'm not worthy of your love." But he has told me repeatedly that I'm forgiven of my past sins and that, as his child and friend, he loves me no matter what. He made us out of love, he made us to love, and he loves us even after death. Because after that...we will live a life in Eternity. And I can't wait for that :)

Many people are driven in life for the wrong purpose. Many are driven by resentment, as I was in the past. Many by fear...materialism...and the need for approval. But they are all being steered in the wrong direction...because we all should be driven for God's love for us.

Good things don't fall from the sky. That's why, in times like these, I count those blessings...those memories, because my heart would be lost without them.

Love conquers all. And I know, through this love, everything will be okay.